The battle is easy until you leave yourself vulnerable. I've taken a hundred steps forward and somehow I ended up a hundred steps behind from where I started! I guess I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I was foolish. Friday David and I had dinner together, and I was fine until the end when he told me how he would look at his phone and want me to call at night... I guess what was going on in my head was that he still desired me... so it gave me hope that he would want to be with me...or maybe the lack of interaction made him realize that he wanted to take the steps to be committed to me. So that night began the emotional attachment again. The most foolish thing I did was that I wore the promise ring he gave me... later realizing that there was no promise at all. Last night we decided to pull back on the communication. It was honesty more painful than the break up itself...basically cried myself to sleep. I'm surprised how hard I could fall in one weekend.
During College Life, Jeremy mentioned that it's not bad to have desires for marriage because that is how God designed us to be... to desire relationships. I guess my situation is that I'm not afraid of marriage, and a lot of people are...so of course, no one in a relationship right now knows how I feel!! People are content with being in a relationship and not moving towards marriage, but I can't play with emotions like that. I'm still confused on how people can make dating glorifying to God. People say it's okay to kiss, but agree that making out isn't...well I kinda put those things in the same category. I don't know one dating couple who doesn't struggle with physicalness, I don't know a dating couple who hasn't made out. In Bible study we saw in Galations 5 that the bible makes it very clear and how we live is very black and white. Yet, there are so many things Christians do that they think is permissible just because they don't have a conviction about it. If I go to the store and notice that the cashier didn't charge me for something, it doesn't take a genius to know that if I don't say anything, it's still stealing. Even if I'm not convicted of it, I still know the difference between right and wrong. I feel like the things I say to people don't even matter. I guess people can just live how they want. It's all the Lord's work anyways.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Truth
Freedom in Christ... I am no longer a slave to the flesh and I refuse to be! Tonight at bible study we read through Galations 5 and the first verse says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. STAND FIRM, then, and DO NOT LET yourselves be burdened AGAIN by a yoke of slavery." Christ has set me free, but that does not mean I will be immune to sin. Sometimes I wonder, why would I ever want to fall back into the very sin that has been a chain around my neck for so long? It doesn't make sense to revert back when Christ has clearly set me free!
Last night I read the passage in Romans 7:7-25 about why we still struggle with sin. In verse 21-23 it says, "when i want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." From what we talked about in bible study a couple weeks ago, struggling with sin is like a bad song stuck in your head. You want it to stop, but it keeps playing over and over in your head until it begins to drive you crazy! The body still remembers the sin and still desires for it, but my soul desires Truth! This is why Galations 5:1 speaks so strongly to me, "DO NOT LET yourselves to be burdened AGAIN!" Every single night for the past week I've been looking back on my life and wished it was back to how it use to be. Yeah I'll admit, I miss the dates, I miss the closeness, I miss the intimacy, holding hands, and spending every day together. The flesh still remembers and desires it! But I can stand firmly and declare that I CHOOSE JESUS! I realize that I want to go back to dating when I look backwards, but I am filled with hope when I look forward. I must not only look forward, but move forward! I can't wait to go on dates with my husband,and not have them end at ten o'clock! I can't wait until I can hold my husband at the end of the day, unlike a boyfriend who has to leave me at the end of the day. Although, my flesh still desires my past, I can still feel the heartache from following the flesh and how much it weighs on the soul. The Spirit in me desires Truth and I have felt the chains lifted from my shoulders, why would I ever turn back?
Last night I read the passage in Romans 7:7-25 about why we still struggle with sin. In verse 21-23 it says, "when i want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." From what we talked about in bible study a couple weeks ago, struggling with sin is like a bad song stuck in your head. You want it to stop, but it keeps playing over and over in your head until it begins to drive you crazy! The body still remembers the sin and still desires for it, but my soul desires Truth! This is why Galations 5:1 speaks so strongly to me, "DO NOT LET yourselves to be burdened AGAIN!" Every single night for the past week I've been looking back on my life and wished it was back to how it use to be. Yeah I'll admit, I miss the dates, I miss the closeness, I miss the intimacy, holding hands, and spending every day together. The flesh still remembers and desires it! But I can stand firmly and declare that I CHOOSE JESUS! I realize that I want to go back to dating when I look backwards, but I am filled with hope when I look forward. I must not only look forward, but move forward! I can't wait to go on dates with my husband,and not have them end at ten o'clock! I can't wait until I can hold my husband at the end of the day, unlike a boyfriend who has to leave me at the end of the day. Although, my flesh still desires my past, I can still feel the heartache from following the flesh and how much it weighs on the soul. The Spirit in me desires Truth and I have felt the chains lifted from my shoulders, why would I ever turn back?
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