Many guys don't understand how much it hurts when they joke or even mention about a woman's weight. I know men don't see the reason why women make such a big deal about it, but weight for a woman goes beyond having a nice body. The media sets unreasonable standards of how a woman should look like, and it has given a false answer to what all women thirst for. Inside every women there is a deep longing to be desired. I think this is the reason why there are so many girls who can't go a couple days without having a boyfriend, or how girls also go through extreme dieting hoping someone would notice. The word "desired," now has a sexual connotation, and I don't mean women yearn to be looked at sexually, that's just how our culture has made it become. In Staci Eldridge's book, Captivating, she mentions that the question in every girls' heart is, "am I lovely?"...This phrase is what I mean when I say "desire."
I remember in high school, there were these two guys that sat next to me in class and they were talking about how there are girls who are pretty, and those who are "hot." Before then, I honesty didn't know there was a difference between the two. So now it wasn't enough to be pretty, but you have to be "hot" because men desire the women who are "hot." The definition of a "hot" woman is that she is desired sexually, and I also believe that most women don't feel they are desired until they've had sex or until they know that a man is lusting over her. We think that fastest way to get that fix, is striving for a body that resembles Megan Fox in her lingerie photo shoots. Sometimes I find myself doing just that. I would go online looking for pictures of women so it would motivate me to start working out, or, sometimes I wouldn't have a reason at all... I would just find myself doing it. I think if a man were to look for pictures of other men, he would be considered gay, but as a woman looking for pictures of other women, I realized that the only sentence running through my head is, "I just want to be desired."
I think sexuality is the only thing that counts in terms of being desired for women now. Women hate hearing things about inner beauty and uniqueness because it's just a nice way of saying, "you're not beautiful enough." In my entire teenage life, I never had a guy like me until I was seventeen. All the years before then, I had convinced myself that I wasn't the type of girl that guys go for. When I moved to Oklahoma, almost all at once, there were a number of guys who have shown interest in me. I knew I didn't want a relationship, but I held on to them because I liked the attention...I liked knowing that someone found me desirable because I had never experienced it before. I remember on multiple occasions, all I could think about was being thin. Just for the reason of fitting into shirts that would show my body. I remember wishing I had the will to be anorexic because it seemed so ideal for my situation. I even went as far as printing out a page I found online about what to do to become anorexic, like eating ice cubes when you're hungry and doing so many numbers of sit-ups a day...These kind of things never lasted though. They were just dreams I wished came true. Sometimes these thoughts would come back, but I can identify that they are words from the enemy, and I start to feel God pulling me closer to Him... As the enemy speaks, he is drowned out by God's voice...and all I can hear is, " I love you just the way you are."
I believe God has placed a desire in every woman's heart. Our culture just says that having the perfect body is the answer, and the outcome has to be sex. This yearning is one that can only be filled by God. Many people don't believe this to be true. There are women in the secular world who have tried to fix this issue by encouraging women to embrace their bodies by gaining confidence, but confidence can easily lead to pride. There are some women who have become conceited because they love their bodies too much. When I tell people that they need to let God be the one to fill them, they don't know what I mean by that. Truthfully, for a while, I didn't even know what it meant to be lead by Christ. I think there are things that can be explained, like what steps to take, but I also believe it's a personal experience between you and God that you'll understand when it happens.
Everyday this week, I've been going to the gym... I decided to take my measurements and make goals for my ideal body type. I searched for ideal waist measurements for my height, and an article on the internet said I should be 24 inches. I know that I my waist will never be 24 inches, and I am happy I will never be that thin! I still want a body! As I looked at my measurements and started writing down my ideal measurements, I realized that I didn't want to change my measurements at all! I would ask myself, "how many inches do I want to be," but the only thing I could say was...I don't really care. I think this is the evidence of God just stepping in and totally renewing my mind. I think body image will still be on every woman's mind because women are always comparing themselves to each other. Yet, I don't think a woman will criticize her body when God is the one telling her she is lovely. In Him we are made complete.
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