little brother

I think it's just one of those months where I am extremely sensitive and emotional, but lately I've been spending a lot of time with my siblings, especially Ben, who just turned 9...and for some reason, my heart just starts to warm up when I see that he is growing up, yet he is still a kid. I guess from the outside, he seems likes he's tough, and doesn't care about anything you say to him, but when you really look at him, and observe him, you start to see the little, vulnerable kid again. I think the tough exterior is from a lot of teasing from all of us siblings (because that's what siblings do..which is unintentional), and maybe some teasing/ bullying that he gets from school...which breaks my heart to even think about. Sometimes Angela, my sister, says that he comes home angry... even about to cry. I've had my fair share of crying from school. kids are just mean to each other... This is how bad we need Jesus in our lives.

We are not born good, that's why teachers make it a big deal to teach kids respect when they enter preschool/kindergarden, but then the meanness still escalates, so now we're trying to inform middle middle schools and high schools on bullying...but the efforts never work. Sometimes I think about being one of those people who speak at schools about sex, or bullying...but I don't know if kids would even take my word on things, or give me the respect to listen to what I have to say... kids really don't see how important it is to know that the things they do and say to their peers will effect them in the future.

I think this is the nurturing side of me that's coming out. When I become a mother, I don't ever want to see my kids go through these things. Right now I really want to protect Ben. I hate knowing that he dreads going to school and the reason may be because he's being teased, or it's just hard to make friends. I think kids at this age get embarrassed easily, they just want to fit in. I also think that's why Ben has a tough exterior...he want's to be able to fit in and not be made fun of by his individuality. During these past 3 weeks with him, I have really seen him be a kid, he still sleeps with stuffed animals, and he has his favorites, which i think is adorable. He also has a game that includes bunnies! and when my sister and I are in the living room, doing our own thing, sometimes I catch him running around the house, pretending he's fighting someone as he makes fighting sounds. He's still a kid, completely innocent, and vulnerable...I want to protect that.